I think respect is one of the most important, and often neglected, concepts when it comes to how people interact with each-other. This is something I’ve talked about before in an earlier post, The Enemy Lies, but here I want to think more about why we tend to respect people.
For example, imagine you meet somebody who has the same passion or interest as you, and you strike up a conversation about it. You find that you have similar opinions, and you both enjoy the discussion. In this scenario, your shared passion creates a foundation for mutual respect.
What’s interesting to realize about this, is that it’s often something that we share that is the starting point of our respect for others. In this case it’s a shared interest, but it could really be anything. You might respect others who are from the same country as you, or who are of the same gender or skin color. You might respect those who have the same political party or religion as you. When somebody is like you in some way, then they have a certain understanding of the way that you are, and this builds trust.
The opposite can also be true.
When somebody is different than us, we may have a harder time respecting them. Their thoughts and opinions might clash with ours, and even if that isn’t a problem to us, sometimes it will be to the other person. People have a hard time trusting things they don’t understand, and many don’t put in effort to understand people that are different than them.
Shared Groups
The Internet, with it’s ability to connect otherwise separate people, has proven a great way to form groups around shared interests. If you like cooking, you might find a cooking group and talk with other cooks. If you’re a gamer, you might look for people who play the same games. In your group, for the most part, you have something you share with everybody else in the group.
The problem is, we almost never find anybody who agrees with us on everything. There are many sensitive topics, and disagreements on these topics can easily divide people. Some people will hate anybody who doesn’t have the same religious convictions or political allegiance. To them, the difference is too great to ever consider respecting the other person as a person.
Everyone is a Person
But that’s what I think a lot of people forget: that everyone is a person. You may have different interests, different skin color, and different political opinions, but you will never meet another person without hopes and dreams, fears and failures. Everybody feels pain. Everybody was born and everybody will die. Absolutely there are differences, but something isn’t bad, just because it’s different. In fact, many differences are good and healthy.
People have the remarkable ability to make their own decisions, to have their own agency. That also means that they have the freedom to come to their own conclusions.
You may not agree with them, but you can respect somebody, as a person, even if you don’t respect their ideas, opinions, or actions.
I may think that somebody has the worst opinions on gardening, but still respect them as a person. I may respect somebody’s skill as a musician, without respecting the way they live their life or the things they advocate for politically.
No matter what you think of them, they are still an individual with the same fundamental rights as everybody else.
Drawing the Line
Just because I respect someone as a person, though, doesn’t mean that they have a right to do whatever they want. The guiding principle in many cases is that everybody should be as free as possible without taking away the freedoms of others. Pretty much the golden rule.
For example, if an evil wizard took over your country and enslaved your people, no amount of respect for that wizard as a person would justify him taking away the freedoms of others. It is perfectly right to stop the wizard from oppressing the other people.
Nonetheless, you should not hate the wizard. You may disagree with his opinions, you may dislike him as a person, you may even hate all of the evil things that the wizard has done, but you should not hate the wizard. No matter what he does, he is a person just like you are, and is entitled to respect as a person.
This respect does not mean they get a free pass! We must deal with their actions appropriately, to protect the rights of others. This could mean banning trolls from our internet groups, or in the case of national disputes, sometimes it can literally mean war!
Whatever the case, in all that we do, we should treat others as we would want to be treated, and be ready to defend the rights of others when it is within our power to do so.
Summary
Undoubtedly there will always be differences between people, and some of those differences will leave people on opposite sides of a social battle line. But battle lines should be drawn a lot less often than they are. We don’t need to have others agree with us on everything, and we should still be kind to those who are different than us. We share more in common than we often realize.
Not everybody will get along with everybody else, and that’s OK, too. What’s important is that kindness and respect remain the rule for how to treat others, even when they don’t return the favor.
Special thanks to my brothers who helped proofread and give feedback while I wrote this post.